Sunday, March 11, 2012
Wednesday, January 11, 2012
Insert True Title Here
Well seems like another semester in the books and another one starts less than a week... and may I say congrats to everybody for making it. Also happy new years even though I am 11 days late but I haven't been on here since September so give me a break lol ! Hey that rhymed by the way!!!
But anyways, for the past few weeks I been back at my hometown (Houston) trying to enjoy the time off from college. (I swear winter break is the best in college since you pretty much get a month off from hell lol) I thought this time I was going to enjoy myself being back home but I was wrong once again. Or maybe I am just scared to face reality.
After living in Austin for almost 2 years, I can honestly say that college is a dream land and home is reality. Both of them not necessary good or bad, they have their own personalities that can throw off a person who just enter the world of adulthood. When I first came back home, I slept for two weeks straight which I can blame college for the lack of sleep lol. But not only that, I didn't want to think about my life in Houston, I wanted to escape the fact that I was back in reality, back where I left my troubles. Sleep didn't let me escape surprisingly, and then I finally woke up because it was time to let go.
For years I have had problems letting go of my past and I got to the point that I was tired of fighting myself... its like a damn war where there is no true winner. Its amazing how a person can be their own best friend and worse enemy at the same time. I feel like even though I took this step, I still have much to learn and discover about myself. I see it as a life long trip down an unmarked road and hopefully with the spring semester coming up, I can continue to recover...
" Faith is the daring of the soul to go farther than it can see"- anonymous
But anyways, for the past few weeks I been back at my hometown (Houston) trying to enjoy the time off from college. (I swear winter break is the best in college since you pretty much get a month off from hell lol) I thought this time I was going to enjoy myself being back home but I was wrong once again. Or maybe I am just scared to face reality.
After living in Austin for almost 2 years, I can honestly say that college is a dream land and home is reality. Both of them not necessary good or bad, they have their own personalities that can throw off a person who just enter the world of adulthood. When I first came back home, I slept for two weeks straight which I can blame college for the lack of sleep lol. But not only that, I didn't want to think about my life in Houston, I wanted to escape the fact that I was back in reality, back where I left my troubles. Sleep didn't let me escape surprisingly, and then I finally woke up because it was time to let go.
For years I have had problems letting go of my past and I got to the point that I was tired of fighting myself... its like a damn war where there is no true winner. Its amazing how a person can be their own best friend and worse enemy at the same time. I feel like even though I took this step, I still have much to learn and discover about myself. I see it as a life long trip down an unmarked road and hopefully with the spring semester coming up, I can continue to recover...
" Faith is the daring of the soul to go farther than it can see"- anonymous
Wednesday, September 28, 2011
Its been awhile...
Yea tonight I just felt like writing... like the title says," its been awhile"s. Seem like school just keeps me busy... as a history major I read a shit load of books but it hasn't been to bad. Well... maybe my government book but I think anybody can understand that hahaha.
Since the last time I posted something up, it was the beginning of the school year or near it... i don't remember hahaha but anyways, I got a new phone which is sexy likes its owner, and also got a copy of Gears of War 3 for a super early birthday gift from a good friend of mines. By the way, if you have an Xbox 360 you gotta pick up a copy of it, F**KING AMAZING!!! Yes that was just my gamer side screaming out on this blog lol...
Even though it seem like school is going good,and my family is doing well... it seems like I am still down. A certain friendship of mines have been bothering me lately. I mean we are good friends and all but we treat each other like assholes... which in a way is funny but in my point of view, its my way to not get close to a person even if its just a friend. (To cut to the point, yes I have problems getting close to people emotionally.) Sometimes its hard for me just to look at my friend in their eyes. It makes me think, is all my close friendships for now on going be this damn hard just because of my past!? I mean shit, I shouldn't let it affect me but it seems like I always have constant reminders. Hopefully this time, I really don't lose a good friend.
Since the last time I posted something up, it was the beginning of the school year or near it... i don't remember hahaha but anyways, I got a new phone which is sexy likes its owner, and also got a copy of Gears of War 3 for a super early birthday gift from a good friend of mines. By the way, if you have an Xbox 360 you gotta pick up a copy of it, F**KING AMAZING!!! Yes that was just my gamer side screaming out on this blog lol...
Even though it seem like school is going good,and my family is doing well... it seems like I am still down. A certain friendship of mines have been bothering me lately. I mean we are good friends and all but we treat each other like assholes... which in a way is funny but in my point of view, its my way to not get close to a person even if its just a friend. (To cut to the point, yes I have problems getting close to people emotionally.) Sometimes its hard for me just to look at my friend in their eyes. It makes me think, is all my close friendships for now on going be this damn hard just because of my past!? I mean shit, I shouldn't let it affect me but it seems like I always have constant reminders. Hopefully this time, I really don't lose a good friend.
Sunday, August 21, 2011
The Homecoming
First off, let me apologized for taking like 4 months to post something up...I wanted to take a break from writing for awhile.
From the last time I remember, when I lasted posted I was depressed... I shared with with y'all guys I had fell in love with because of the fact the beat was awesome and it was helping me grief at the time. Ironically the song is called, " I Remember" by Deadmau5 lol. It was April and its now August ...so much has changed and happened since then.
First off, i finished off my 1st yr of college at UT in May...what a bitch. I have never thought during the school year i was going be able to say that,seriously.There were a couple of times when I wanted to say, "F**k it, I am done with UT." With the problems at home,personal problems making me angry and depressed, and the stress of school work, suicide thoughts started running threw my head. I knew I was in trouble,with myself...but something told me to make it to the end of school and see how your life would be... after all, I was still living for a reason after all the close calls I had in my whole life.
End of the school year, still depressed but glad to see I had finish the year even thought it wasn't my strongest victory.I went clubbing with my friends o the last day of classes which I will always remember. It was a night I needed, a night that was full of life,happiness, and fun. It was great to have a break but it wasn't a long one because of the fact finals were starting and on top of that I ended up getting sick for like the 4th time during the school year. Finals was a hell of a week as i fought my sickness and try to study. When my finals were over, i thought my troubles were over but life had other plans for me...
It seem like I was still in deep water... with my mother getting in a car accident and me not having a car I was stuck in Austin for a week but lucky to be staying at a friend's and not the streets.During that week, it seem like I had no emotions... I wasn't happy, I was sad, just neutral after all that had happened... I was in survival mode.But after that long extra week in Austin I did end up back home for a week and return on a fresher note for summer school.
Summer school seem like a rehab for me... it seemed like I was finally able to let go of my pain, let go of my past, learn from my mistakes, and finally get some understanding of my own life. Even though I was taking classes and having a shit load of homework every night, me having to live alone for a month helped me open my eyes once again without interference of others.
And now, the fall semester is about to start in a couple of days. I been trying to get my books for class and settle into my dorm room... and by the way, I am proud to say, I now have a roommate that is legit! lol. But anyways, I am feeling real good about this year.I don't know what its but I feel this is the year that I get back on my feet and show UT that I am not here by mistake.
From the last time I remember, when I lasted posted I was depressed... I shared with with y'all guys I had fell in love with because of the fact the beat was awesome and it was helping me grief at the time. Ironically the song is called, " I Remember" by Deadmau5 lol. It was April and its now August ...so much has changed and happened since then.
First off, i finished off my 1st yr of college at UT in May...what a bitch. I have never thought during the school year i was going be able to say that,seriously.There were a couple of times when I wanted to say, "F**k it, I am done with UT." With the problems at home,personal problems making me angry and depressed, and the stress of school work, suicide thoughts started running threw my head. I knew I was in trouble,with myself...but something told me to make it to the end of school and see how your life would be... after all, I was still living for a reason after all the close calls I had in my whole life.
End of the school year, still depressed but glad to see I had finish the year even thought it wasn't my strongest victory.I went clubbing with my friends o the last day of classes which I will always remember. It was a night I needed, a night that was full of life,happiness, and fun. It was great to have a break but it wasn't a long one because of the fact finals were starting and on top of that I ended up getting sick for like the 4th time during the school year. Finals was a hell of a week as i fought my sickness and try to study. When my finals were over, i thought my troubles were over but life had other plans for me...
It seem like I was still in deep water... with my mother getting in a car accident and me not having a car I was stuck in Austin for a week but lucky to be staying at a friend's and not the streets.During that week, it seem like I had no emotions... I wasn't happy, I was sad, just neutral after all that had happened... I was in survival mode.But after that long extra week in Austin I did end up back home for a week and return on a fresher note for summer school.
Summer school seem like a rehab for me... it seemed like I was finally able to let go of my pain, let go of my past, learn from my mistakes, and finally get some understanding of my own life. Even though I was taking classes and having a shit load of homework every night, me having to live alone for a month helped me open my eyes once again without interference of others.
And now, the fall semester is about to start in a couple of days. I been trying to get my books for class and settle into my dorm room... and by the way, I am proud to say, I now have a roommate that is legit! lol. But anyways, I am feeling real good about this year.I don't know what its but I feel this is the year that I get back on my feet and show UT that I am not here by mistake.
Wednesday, April 27, 2011
I remember...
Lately I been jamming to this song called I remember by Deadmau5. I really recommend if your into the dance/techno music. this is a song that's not too fast but not too slow... btw its 9 minutes long lol (mp3 version). But getting to the point, this is a song I can escape my surroundings and "remember" my past. Remember all the struggles I been threw just to be the person I am today. Shit I remember the good times I had also... this is song that's going to take you on a roller coaster full of emotions so hold on tight, and prepare for the ride.
As I am writing this blog (sorry it took me so long to post), I am jamming to the song. For about a week I been angry at the world and myself especially my past. And I know, I need to let the past go... if u going tell me that please fuck off. As humans we should already know that is one of the most hardest thing to do in life but something that should be done. Believe me its for our benefit and of course, to continue to live this short life we have.
I wish I could have my mp3 in my ears all the time... a mini escape from the world because reality is a hell we have to face. Its funny how we say we want to go to heaven and not hell but in reality, WE LIVE IN HELL RIGHT NOW. Now I am not going go all church on y'all but just think about my opinion. You can agree or disagree I don't care, just express your opinion.But back to my point, the song is amazing and I feel that yeah the past is going make you remember good and bad stuff, but there is always another day. :)
Here are the lyrics:
Feeling the past moving in
Letting a new day begin
Hold to the time that you know
You don't have to move on to let go
Remember turning on the the night
And moving through the morning light
Remember how it was with you
Remember how you pulled me through
I remember (repeat)
Add to the memory you keep
Remember when you fall asleep
Hold to the love that you know
You don't have to give up to let go
Remember turning on the the night
And moving through the morning light
Remember how it was with you
Remember how you pulled me through
I remember, i remember
Feeling the past moving in
letting a new day begin
hold to the time that you know
you don't have to move on to let go
Add to the memory you keep
Remember when you fall asleep
Hold to the love that you know
You don't have to give up to let go
I remember
As I am writing this blog (sorry it took me so long to post), I am jamming to the song. For about a week I been angry at the world and myself especially my past. And I know, I need to let the past go... if u going tell me that please fuck off. As humans we should already know that is one of the most hardest thing to do in life but something that should be done. Believe me its for our benefit and of course, to continue to live this short life we have.
I wish I could have my mp3 in my ears all the time... a mini escape from the world because reality is a hell we have to face. Its funny how we say we want to go to heaven and not hell but in reality, WE LIVE IN HELL RIGHT NOW. Now I am not going go all church on y'all but just think about my opinion. You can agree or disagree I don't care, just express your opinion.But back to my point, the song is amazing and I feel that yeah the past is going make you remember good and bad stuff, but there is always another day. :)
Here are the lyrics:
Feeling the past moving in
Letting a new day begin
Hold to the time that you know
You don't have to move on to let go
Remember turning on the the night
And moving through the morning light
Remember how it was with you
Remember how you pulled me through
I remember (repeat)
Add to the memory you keep
Remember when you fall asleep
Hold to the love that you know
You don't have to give up to let go
Remember turning on the the night
And moving through the morning light
Remember how it was with you
Remember how you pulled me through
I remember, i remember
Feeling the past moving in
letting a new day begin
hold to the time that you know
you don't have to move on to let go
Add to the memory you keep
Remember when you fall asleep
Hold to the love that you know
You don't have to give up to let go
I remember
Wednesday, April 20, 2011
Taking it to the shower...
Yes I am taking a sexy ass guy in the shower with me! (I wish!) Okay but on a non-sexual note people, I know there has been at least one day in your life where you had a long day at work, school, or wherever the hell you do during the day and you come home. The first place you go to is the shower, turn the water on hot (I would think y'all take hot showers), get undress and hop (not literally) in the shower. What a way to end the day,huh!?
Its exactly what I did today. I feel like showers are a place where u can escape from the world but also let reality set in because literally and mentally you're naked. Your mind,body,heart and spirit, are expose and there is nothing to hide at that moment of time. They are all the chapters of the book that as a whole is called life. Showing and describing different parts of your life from different points of view.
My mind wonders while I am in the shower... the thought of me still existing here on this planet ponders me. "I should of been dead 5 years ago but the bullet that shot me didn't take my life away... so what's the reason I still exist?" Shit,our war we fight is life, and we are the soldiers on its battlefield not knowing our true mission until the very end. But as a solider of this war that I don't know when its going to end, I can't help but ask this question constantly.
Its exactly what I did today. I feel like showers are a place where u can escape from the world but also let reality set in because literally and mentally you're naked. Your mind,body,heart and spirit, are expose and there is nothing to hide at that moment of time. They are all the chapters of the book that as a whole is called life. Showing and describing different parts of your life from different points of view.
My mind wonders while I am in the shower... the thought of me still existing here on this planet ponders me. "I should of been dead 5 years ago but the bullet that shot me didn't take my life away... so what's the reason I still exist?" Shit,our war we fight is life, and we are the soldiers on its battlefield not knowing our true mission until the very end. But as a solider of this war that I don't know when its going to end, I can't help but ask this question constantly.
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
Talking To Mufusa...
Last nite, I can really say I enjoyed myself... after going to classes and watching my white show, The secret life of the American Teenager (dont ask me why I watch it lol) I went go work out with a good friend of mines. As we greeted and met up with each other, we both can see that we didn't want to work out. So after like 10 mins of being in the gym, we decided to go walk around on the beautiful campus we called UT lol <-- that sounds so corny, but anyways we end up walking on the east side of campus a.k.a rape city. Now don't get me wrong, rape city was pretty but just too damn dark to the point that you was able to see the stars clear in the night sky. So me and friend found a nice hill, laid in the grass, and glazed at the stars. What a romantic spot huh!? lol
As time went on, we started thinking about the worst songs to get raped to, for example Bump and Grind by R. Kelly. I know rape is a serious thing, but come on y'all know that would be funny and fucked up at the same time.After naming a few songs, we had a talk among ourselves and the king himself, Mufusa, the most gangsta ass lion in history! If only if Mufusa was a person he would be a black man, real talk. But overall, i really did have a good time with my friend. Its been awhile since I took a break from this crazy world we live in to relax and enjoy the natural beauty we have above us.
As time went on, we started thinking about the worst songs to get raped to, for example Bump and Grind by R. Kelly. I know rape is a serious thing, but come on y'all know that would be funny and fucked up at the same time.After naming a few songs, we had a talk among ourselves and the king himself, Mufusa, the most gangsta ass lion in history! If only if Mufusa was a person he would be a black man, real talk. But overall, i really did have a good time with my friend. Its been awhile since I took a break from this crazy world we live in to relax and enjoy the natural beauty we have above us.
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